There are times when you should listen to your mother. No matter how crazy or belligerent her suggestions may be, take heed my friends or you will end up like me :Let us begin at the beginning. Born to pale parents, Lyndsay was bound to be pale herself. From birth everyone could tell she was different. "Fair" as the politely called her, masked their true f eelings of shock and awe whenever her legs were exposed. Through her almost-albino skin shown clear, pulsing , blue veins, and the occassional rogue freckle. The pain of being different did not compare to the pain of the constant sunburns. Lyndsay would venture out into the sun, only when swaddled in a towel and iced with SPF150. Like a lifelike cake, Lyndsay religiously reapplied ever 45-50 minutes. But to no avail, she would crisp up like bacon in the microwave. Her life was dived into two colors: Sheet ass white or lobster red.Lyndsay envied her tan, caramel- sun colored friends. Longing for the day that she could be free of the shackles of creams and avoidance. But she carried on and every summer shed her skin like a snake after every trip to the beach.Oneday, a man named Doug finally overlooked her dayglow whiteness and they were married. A beautiful white dress hung dauntingly in the closet. Lyndsay wondered "Would she look too pale? It was a summer wedding..could she face her guests looking as pastery as she did? She turned to the idea of sunless tanning. "Mom?" she said, embarrassed by the question she was about to pose."Yes, honey?" her pale mother replied"I was thinking about getting one of those spray on tans for the wedding. You know, to look good in my dress and all." She waited for her mothers response.The older woman looked up thoughfully and replied"Now darling, you're already wearing a WHITE dress. Isn;t that lie enough?"Lyndsay was crushed, but agreed with her mother none the less.
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