Milk Toucher

Dear Milk Toucher,

I know that the community refrigerator, is infinitesimal in size and does not lend itself to storing our perishables in a neat and orderly manner. However, it is bad enough the I must hook myself up to a glorified plunger every two hours to squeeze every last drop of milk from my pendulous breasts, then take said milk and parade it down the hallway, store my bodily fluid in a PUBLIC refrigerator, without you putting your little milk touching, greasy, stranger paws all over it. What is even worse-- I carefully and reverently seal this precious liquid gold in a black zippered tote, as to not offend or concern your delicate senses, and you still find it necessary to look inside! Are you just as concerned as I am with how many ounces I am pumping? It's milk,buddy. Same as last week. In Conclusion: Don't touch the milk or I will be forced to hook you up to my breast pump and then perversely examine your mammary secretions while you are not looking.

I am watching.